Go Back   Nub Live Forum > Open Studio Zone > Humor(dor) & games

Humor(dor) & games Post your jokes, stories & games here. Keep it acceptable please.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-09-2014, 10:12 AM   #1
skipper
Administrator
 
skipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 25,273
Default There are two kinds of people in this world...



Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

__________________
CLICK-Play for Prizes!


I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them
skipper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2014, 11:08 AM   #2
skipper
Administrator
 
skipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 25,273
Default

1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”



2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”



3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.



4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”



5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”



6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”



7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.



8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.



9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMG.



10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.



11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.



12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.



13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”



14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.



15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.



16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”



17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.



18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”



19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”



20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.



21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.



22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.



23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”



24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”



25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
__________________
CLICK-Play for Prizes!


I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them
skipper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2014, 02:03 PM   #3
CSMAnderson
NUBLIVE OFFICIAL BOMBING AMBASSADOR
 
CSMAnderson's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Center Conway, NH
Posts: 16,341
Default

Who thinks up this stuff? I could figure out most of them, but not all of them.
CSMAnderson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-10-2014, 07:32 AM   #4
skipper
Administrator
 
skipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 25,273
Default

i missed 2 of them george.
__________________
CLICK-Play for Prizes!


I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them
skipper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2014, 01:37 PM   #5
blacklabel
Knucklehead Brewmaster
 
blacklabel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: North GA.
Posts: 6,962
Default

Two scientists walk into a bar
The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” Then he dies.
__________________
www.knuckleheadbrewing.com
blacklabel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2014, 07:59 AM   #6
Jay
2014 TEXAS NUB'EM CHAMPION
 
Jay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: CT
Posts: 1,451
Send a message via Yahoo to Jay
Default

15 and 20 made me chuckle.
__________________
Will work for cigars.
Jay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2014, 12:18 PM   #7
skipper
Administrator
 
skipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 25,273
Default

i loved 6, 8 and 10
__________________
CLICK-Play for Prizes!


I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them
skipper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2014, 12:19 PM   #8
skipper
Administrator
 
skipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 25,273
Default

i dont understand 12
__________________
CLICK-Play for Prizes!


I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them
skipper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2014, 02:15 PM   #9
blacklabel
Knucklehead Brewmaster
 
blacklabel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: North GA.
Posts: 6,962
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by skipper View Post
i dont understand 12
A group of Crows is called a Murder....Just like Lions are a Pride, baboons are a Congress...etc.
__________________
www.knuckleheadbrewing.com
blacklabel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2014, 02:49 PM   #10
skipper
Administrator
 
skipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 25,273
Default

ahhh.. thanks. Now I get them all.
PM me for answers (george)

j/k buddy
__________________
CLICK-Play for Prizes!


I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them
skipper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-14-2017, 11:45 AM   #11
skipper
Administrator
 
skipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 25,273
Default

now I like 25 the best
__________________
CLICK-Play for Prizes!


I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them
skipper is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Some People Never Learn nofeardiver Bombs 10 03-18-2013 08:54 AM
Don't honk at old people Jimmie The Mum Humor(dor) & games 10 07-12-2012 01:36 PM
4 people skipper Official ST Contests 105 11-06-2011 09:32 PM
Some people just can't! blacklabel Open Talk 19 04-11-2011 06:47 PM
Swamp People 5280duc Open Talk 21 04-11-2011 10:33 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:35 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Studio Tobac Cigar Cigar
     



© 2008-2010 Oliva Cigar Company - TERMS & CONDITIONS  |  NUB CIGAR  |